¬ rotterdam/views on the environment

11.11.01 a trixter approaches me at the train station at 6 o'clock in the morning claiming his back pack was stolen and if I had some money. I don't believe him, but give him some english coins anyway. Another man standing nearby refuses politely to help. (A week later I see him talking toa junkey, laughing.)

12.11.01 An Algerian rastaman joins me for a coffee in a turkish take-away. He tells me tales from the city in french. Later I meet him again walking the streets and he shows me a coffee-shop.

13.11.01 Early in the morning two skinheads appear in the central station. Their pale skin makes them a minority in the crowd, theiy appear isolated and mute.

14.11.01 A policeman says: don't forget your bag, meaning keep an eye on your belongings.

15.11.01 A man in a suit vomits into a litter bin. Noone seems to notice.

16.11.01 An Algerian immigrant approaches me and asks me (in french) to come to his flat. I try to imagine what he has on his mind.

17.11.01 The AVL-freestate abortion clinic is sprayed in disinfectant which smeels of piss. Human figures are half buried in the contaminated soil from which chicken pick their food.

18.11.01 On the train to Den Bosch a man tells his life story on his mobile. He seems relaxed but claims he was completly insane and in need of a holiday. He holds his phone like it was an essential organ without which he would die.

¬ dealing with it: strategies of making

19.11.01 imagine a feeling around/inside/across the end of a good word. recapture last night's dream and make a list of all possibilities when we are deprived off all feelings, like a compression valve that seems blocked.

20.11.01 when this feeling comes it can't be stopped, it can only be returned and forced into the borderland, my eyes accepting the outlook that probably everything is ok the way it is.

21.11.01 Seen from a distance roaring old cubes crush the pavement upside down.

22.11.01 The bridge spans over the Nieuwe Maas where cargo ships plough through the dark waters distorting a mock-reflection of green windows.

23.11.01 "Nothing happens until it's consumed." (Johan Grimon Perez)

24.11.01 Daylight security for public spaces wants fences with spikes.

25.11.01 Obsolete statement without importance reappears daily in silence.

26.11.01 A wall, memorial for deported jews. On the other side, facing the Nieuwe Maas, a plaque describes what has happened in 1942/43. While reading a young family approaches and uses the memorial as a sheltered place where the little girls relieve themselves. I leave the place somewhat confused.

27.11.01 Last hope "Mon Cheri": A man emerges from the Sex Inn, leaves the reddened windows behind only to walk, head facing down, straight into the next place, "Mon Cheri".